Times, they're a changin'

When I was still pregnant with Moriah, the plan regarding me going back to work was that I would wait until she was 8 weeks old and then back to work I would go. I worked at the private Christian school both of my boys attended and the environment is like no other school I know. The people who worked there were like family to us and I loved so many of the students there as if they were my own. The people I came in contact with on a daily basis were such a big part of our lives and we love them so very much. The plan was that Moriah would go to the nursery there on campus and I would take breaks to go nurse her throughout the day. I would be working in a classroom as a teacher's aid and my boys would be attending Kindergarten and Third grade on campus as well. My paychecks have always gone directly towards my kids' school tuition and this was how it was going to continue, only now there was going to be the added cost of Moriah's care. It was going to be a HUGE sacrifice as I have never put a baby of mine in daycare before, I had stayed at home with both of the boys until they were in pre-school but it was a sacrifice that I felt was worth it in order to be able to continue their education in this environment we so loved. This was a great plan and I was confident it would all work out...until Moriah was born and placed in my arms. It was in that very moment that I began to doubt my ability to let her leave my arms and return to work. 

We came home from the hospital on a Sunday and it was that Tuesday that I received a call from the principal of the boys' school and I immediately froze b/c I thought she was calling to discuss when I'd be coming back to work and holy oh my goodness, I didn't think I could have that talk yet! Turns out she wasn't even calling for that reason but we did touch on the fact that I was still planning on returning to work in the beginning of October and we'd talk more about it in detail later.

TJ left for work Monday morning of the next week and when he arrived in Bakersfield (he had been working/staying out of town during the week, remember?) after a meeting with his boss he discovered that he was no longer going to have a position with that company. It basically came down to, relocate your family in the next couple of weeks or this position is no longer yours. I didn't feel that the move was something that was right for our family in the first place (when TJ first received the job) and TJ, after working there and gaining more insight on the company, didn't feel it would pay off to relocate solely for this job in the long run.

TJ becoming unemployed (while unbelievably crappy and disheartening) was the confirmation that I needed to help me realize that going back to work and putting Moriah in daycare wasn't the right thing to do. I wouldn't be bringing home a paycheck since it would have to go directly towards the kids' tuition AND with all 3 of them attending we would actually be having to pay each month to cover the additional tuition that one more child created. (For all 3 of our kids to attend the tuition would be upwards of $1500/month. I make minimum wage.) This made no sense at all seeing as now we currently had zero income.

All of that to say that tomorrow both of my boys will be starting at new schools tomorrow- Isaiah in 3rd grade and Malachi in Kindergarten. They're being oh so brave about it but I can sense their trepidation when we talk. It's understandable since we're leaving the safety net of the school that's been a part of our lives for the past 4 years...and I keep reminding myself that everything will work out fine, it's just hard nonetheless. 

I'll be staying home with Moriah and I definitely recognize that this is a blessing. This first year is fleeting and filled with so much change and growth... it was causing me so. much. heartache. to think of how much I'd be missing out on while she was in daycare- moments with my only daughter. I definitely realize that staying home with your baby isn't an option for everyone, it just makes the most sense for our family and am grateful to have been able to do so with the boys and now with our sweet girl.

TJ being unemployed for the second time this year is causing much strain on our family and while all I can seem to do is stress about bills, rent, bills, groceries and more bills that need to be paid I'm really trying to have faith that God has a plan in all of this. Definitely learning big lessons on relying on God & trusting in His provisions... and while I know I'll be grateful for these lessons in the end I'd like for them to be over as quick as possible- ha! ;)

If we happen to cross your mind over the next few weeks would you mind saying a prayer for us? It would mean so much to me, more than I can say.

xo